A Prayer (fighting the good fight)

1 Timothy 6:11-14

¹¹ … Pursue righteousness and a godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness. ¹² Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have declared so well before many witnesses. ¹³ And I charge you before God, who gives life to all, and before Christ Jesus, who gave a good testimony before Pontius Pilate, ¹⁴ that you obey this command without wavering. Then no one can find fault with you from now until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again.

God, YOU said that when we fight the good fight of faith, it’s not by our strength or our power, but by YOUR Spirit. That means: we have to SEEK first YOUR Kingdom. Then all the things, all the plans for how to resist the devil will be given to us. Only then will we be able to go – and possess the land YOU promised. When we humble ourselves, seek YOUR face and turn from our wicked ways, no power or principality of darkness will harm us. No weapon formed against us will prosper. When we submit to YOU, as children, in childlike faith, we prove that YOU are our Father. A chosen few are doing that. But many that are called are running around like orphans with poopy diapers, swinging swords they aren’t strong enough to handle. Oh, that we would grow up and become spiritually mature sons and daughters!

How many times have YOU forgiven us our trespasses against YOU? In our ignorance we’ve believed we’re grown- just because we’re gifted! Heaven, help us. Many of us are doing good works; using spiritual gifts with gusto as explosive diarrhea overflows our sagging diapers. Our sacrifices have been detestable to YOU. They stink like week old dirty diapers! YOU are not interested in our Simon the Sorcerer routine; performing miracles, signs and wonders for the crowd….without knowing YOU. Without loving YOU! It’s obvious: we love ourselves and others more. The proof is evidence against us: we refuse to obey YOU. We’ve been content performing for love instead of from love.

When will we STOP?

When will we BE STILL?

When will we LAY DOWN and let our parents (the spiritually mature believers YOU have placed in our lives) help change us?

When we confess that we’ve rejected YOU as Father. When we repent for resisting YOUR authority. When we realize we’ve been deceived, doubted and followed the advice of the father of lies. “Don’t tell me what to do!” is the mantra of his children. They’ve declared their declaration of independence in their hearts. They’ve chosen to remain orphans; independent, impetuous and impatient… willing to survive alone, as individuals.

Lord, forgive us. We do not know what we are doing! We need a spanking. We need a time out. We need to be grounded. We need our toy swords to be taken away for a season to rest, recover and be restored to YOU: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We need to become HOLY as YOU are holy! Then we need to be reconciled to our fathers and mothers & brothers and sisters in Christ.

We confess all our crap to you, Lord! We repent for acting like orphans. We repent for being rebellious children. We declare a new declaration of DEPENDANCE on YOU, our good Father. We ask for YOUR helper- YOUR Spirit to lead us into all Truth. Change our hearts as YOU change our diapers! Train us in the way we should go. Potty train us. Teach us to grow up! We wanna become spiritually mature. We want to develop into healthy & holy kids, teenagers and adults. And when we are able, we ask that YOU show us how to parent the young ones as YOU have parented us; teaching us to obey all YOU have commanded.

Amen.

Well Being

Philippians 4:6-9

Amplified Bible, Classic Edition

⁶ Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (^[a]definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.

⁷ And God’s peace [shall be yours, that ^[b]tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall ^[c]garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].

⁹ Practice what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and model your way of living on it, and the God of peace (of ^[d]untroubled, undisturbed well–being) will be with you.

There’s a sign in my psychologist’s office that says “Well Being.” Beneath those words is a list of action items that contribute to us being made well:

Serving

Faith

Social

Relaxation

Fitness

Nutrition

Sleep

Fun

Time in Nature

Nine seemingly insignificant words. Simple, small things packed with Spirit & Truth. I’ve read and pondered that list for more than two years. I even took a picture and keep it on my phone as a reminder. And you know what!? Those seeds that have been sown into the soil of my heart are beginning to spring up! They are finally producing good fruit:

I’m serving.

I’m full of faith.

I’m social.

I’m relaxed.

I’m getting fit.

I’m sleeping.

I’m having more fun!

I’m spending time in nature.

And, now….

I’m consuming good nutrition!

Well Being

This month I began a new thing: I hired a nutrition coach. Why, you ask? I needed help. I couldn’t do it on my own. I tried. Repeatedly. And failed.  I’ve been overweight and under active for years. One of my goals in moving to the Sunshine State was eating better and being more active again. Ever since I was a kid, I loved being in the great outdoors, spending time in nature. But somewhere in the middle, I forgot about being well. Amidst the hustle and bustle, the hurry and worry of life, I stopped caring for myself. I stopped loving myself as God loves me: body, soul and spirit.

There are many reasons the Lord called us to Florida. I’m convinced that one of them is this: I needed to get well. And now, there’s no excuse for me not getting my rear end outside (well, except the part where it feels like we’re living on the surface of the sun in the summertime!) The infrastructure in this state is conducive to an active lifestyle in nature that is preserved for its wildlife- and its people.

Last year my man and I started walking daily on the Ft. Fraser Trail near our house to prepare for our trip to Paris. We were so proud of ourselves for keeping up with our friends adventuring through France that we didn’t stop walking when we got home! Moving is not only good for our bodies, it’s good for our hearts as well. We walk and talk to each other and to God every morning.

By partnering personal fitness with the wisdom of a nutrition expert, I’m also learning what my body needs to thrive from the inside out. Honestly, I’ve been embarrassed by my ignorance in regards to food. God’s Word is true – we do perish for a lack of knowledge! But thank the Lord for those in the body of Christ who are helping me in my weakness. I’m eternally grateful for the encouragement I’ve received from so many in our covenant community. By practicing what I’ve learned, my spiritual, mental and nutritional/fitness health is producing good fruit. The peace of God is now ruling and reigning in my life. I am untroubled. I am undisturbed.

This is well being.

My friend, I want to encourage you today in the Lord. Are you sick – and tired? Physically, emotionally or spiritually? His strength is sufficient! Ask Him for help to get well, and be well, beloved. Begin by worshipping Him right now, in Spirit and Truth:

PRAY (v 6)

PRAISE Him! (v 6)

Receive His PEACE (v 6)

PRACTICE what is preached (v 9)

God or man?

Proverbs 1:7

⁷ The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,
    but fools^[a] despise wisdom and instruction.

The Word is quite clear of the miracle that happens when our heart loves God with all of our mind, will and emotions. We become wise! It is also written that when we act foolishly; despising Wisdom and instruction, destruction awaits.

If the fear of the Lord brings wisdom, then what does the fear of man bring?

Witchcraft, perhaps?

Last year, I was in a challenging situation. In the midst of a chaotic environment I reacted to ongoing foolishness by trying to assert control in the flesh. Dumb idea! It’s a trauma response I’m very familiar with; control or be controlled. You’d understand if I told you my back story, but it’s not pertinent to our current conversation. In short, we try to control what we’re afraid of. But as wise master Yoda so eloquently declares, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering….”

Indeed, the fear of man leads us down a dark street. Just read Proverbs 5, 7 & 9. Solomon urges us to listen to Wisdom – not the Ho that is also crying out for our attention. Her path leads to ruin. Her soliciting weaves a web of manipulation that promises love; acknowledgement, acceptance and affirmation from others. But once we’re in her trap, she sucks the life out of us and slaughters our soul. She is an unfaithful lover. That witch lures us in and spins us round and around, churning our love into hate. We wind up hating her, ourselves and everyone that stands on both sides of the street.

I was like that stag caught in her trap.

I was like that ox led to slaughter.

How did I escape her captivity?

How did I break free from her web?

Short answer: I chose to submit to the Word of God and the Spirit of God.

Long answer: I read the Word day after day after day. I prayed day after day after day. I remained in covenant community day after day after day. Wise ones encouraged me and corrected me and discerned a spirit of witchcraft oppressing me.

 (Allow me to interrupt this program already in progress with a brief commercial break!!!)

To all my Charismatic/Pentecostal brothers and sisters:

I love ya’ll! I love your fire. I love your zealousness for good works. I love how you just wanna run into the battle, kick butt and take names. But let’s not neglect that hidden treasure that requires us to slow down; ASKING, SEEKING & KNOCKING on the door of Wisdom. Once inside, we must be still. We must sit down, shut up and listen to what HE says before we speak. I agree, we are seated with Christ in heavenly places. I agree, the enemy is under our feet. But we’ve gotta learn how to pray. We’ve gotta learn how to follow His orders; submitting to the Lord, then resisting the devil, then watching him flee. Let’s stop yelling at that snake, telling him to “GO, in Jesus name!!!” if the person we’re praying for is partnering with his lies. Don’t forget; he will go when we confess, repent, and forgive, as the Spirit prompts.

The Son wants to release captives and set prisoners FREE from witchcraft- so let’s do what He tells us to do, when He tells us to do it. And remember, healing and deliverance doesn’t always happen in an instant through our favorite conference speaker, YouTube or Facebook personality. It also occurs over time in the secret place and the corporate place as we confess our sins to one another.   

I was stuck in that web- in the swirl and twirl of witchcraft for a long time. Wisdom was needed to get me out. That Ho had made her bed and I literally crawled right up in it! I was sleeping with the enemy, people!!! My fear led to anger, which led to hate, which led to deep suffering in my soul. But thank the LORD, that is not the end of my story from the streets. God rescued me from darkness as I stopped quenching His Spirit and started submitting to His Word. He is strong and mighty to save those who are caught in a trap of sin.

My friend, as we close our time together, I’m compelled to ask: what side of the street are you living on?

The side of Wisdom…

or witchcraft?

The side where you fear God….

or man?

Guard your heart and choose carefully, dear one. For your decision will determine the course of your life.

Lay down, Cow!

Psalm 23:1-2

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
 He makes me lie down in green pastures…

When we moved to Florida two years ago, I became obsessed with cows. It seemed random at first. For heaven’s sake, we had cows in North Carolina and in California where I grew up! Yet, for some strange reason, I began squealing like a little girl every time we passed a pasture in Polk County.

Turns out, my actions weren’t random. Or strange.

I’ve especially been drawn to heifers, cows and calves. Recently, I learned from a friend that I am NOT a heifer- as some wrongly assumed. I’m actually a cow, thank you very much! A heifer has not given birth to a calf. This cow has delivered four! Armed with this newly acquired knowledge, I started to embrace the fact that I had been led to engage with these bovines. My friends who own cattle have since given me access to talk to and pet their animals- and pray over their land whenever I ask. Others have invited me to their home, which overlooks a neighbor’s herd to take pictures or just sit and stare at these magnificent creatures. Hey. Don’t judge me!

Cows are a picture of what I prayed for. What I’m trying to tell you is, this crazy infatuation is really from the Lord!

Allow me to explain…

Polk County was once home to the greatest number of cattle barons in the state of Florida. Lots and lots of land. Lots and lots of cows!!! Bartow was named the county seat after a baron donated a large tract of land to ensure the regions governmental authority rested in his hometown. How did the Bullard’s come to reside in the county of Polk, in the city of Bartow you ask? Well, it wasn’t my plan, I can tell ya that. MY plan was to live in Lakeland. The covenant community we’re a part of is there. Most of our friends are there. The parks and lakes and walking/biking trails we use are there. The majority of restaurants and shops we frequent are…you guessed it, THERE. The “tow” as locals have nicknamed it, was definitely not on our radar when shopping for houses online. But, His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are definitely not our thoughts. After being awake all night with explosive diarrhea, hearing the Lord said “I gave you what you wanted” (Psalm 106:15) we withdrew the first contract we made on our dream home- a beautiful hacienda in Haines City. Immediately, my man and I prayed, “your Kingdom come, your will be done- give us the house YOU want!” Turns out the seventh offer was the one He wanted. In July 2021, we finally closed on our home in Bartow, in a city and neighborhood we did not want to live in. But did I mention that our subdivision was formerly a cow pasture!? We literally heard (pun intended!) cows mooing each morning from the old homestead directly behind us, as we sipped coffee on our lanai. Unfortunately for us, those cows have since moved on to greener pastures.

In the spring of this year, the Lord told me it was time to LAY DOWN. After a bit of a struggle, I finally relented. Since obeying His voice, I began realizing what He’s been trying to teach me all along. Psalm 23 gives the analogy of Him being a good shepherd and us being good sheep, willing to be lead- regardless of where He goes. In this season, He led me to LAY DOWN; to rest…in green pastures. Cows LAY DOWN in green pastures every day. Each afternoon or evening, as we drive down Eagle Lake Road towards home I see heifers, cows and calves lying in the grass chewing their cud. After grazing all day, they rest and regurgitate what they’ve ingested. The same, as it turns out, happens with me. Every morning, in the secret place I hear my Shepherd’s voice in Scripture, Silence and Solitude. Then I start mooing about all the things and listen for His leading. Sometimes I know immediately where we’re going. And other times, I get up and go about my day, chewing the cud. As I do, Holy Spirit reminds me of passages I’ve read or visions, dreams and encounters with Jesus I’ve experience alone or corporately. He brings to remembrance that I must pray in the Spirit, asking Jesus what He’s asking the Father. In due season, at just the right time, I hear from heaven and a piece of the puzzle will find its place in the portrait I see Him painting.

Today was one of those moments that connected the dot to dots. God has literally given me what I asked for:

To know Him as Shepherd

To go where He leads

To LAY DOWN in green pastures

To restore my soul

My friend, I’m here to tell ya that this cow has tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord! I’m leaning on my Shepherd. I’m finding my voice in the pasture. And in due season, I’m gonna come up outta this place SHOUTING to every heifer, cow and calf that will listen,

    Clear the way for the Lord’s coming!

(Isaiah 40, John 1)

Love you, GenZ! ❤️

youtube.com/shorts/jihxi9kj1kU

Psalm 96 Records

Psalm 96

Amplified Bible

¹ O sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth!

² Sing to the Lord, bless (affectionately praise) His name; show forth His salvation from day to day.

³ Declare His glory among the nations, His marvelous works among all the peoples.

⁴ For great is the Lord and greatly to be praised; He is to be reverently feared and worshiped above all [so–called] gods.

⁵ For all the gods of the nations are [lifeless] idols, but the Lord made the heavens.

⁶ Honor and majesty are before Him; strength and beauty are in His sanctuary.

⁷ Ascribe to the Lord, O you families of the peoples, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength.

⁸ Give to the Lord the glory due His name; bring an offering and come [before Him] into His courts.

⁹ O worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness; tremble before and reverently fear Him, all the earth.

¹⁰ Say among the nations that the Lord reigns; the world also is established, so that it cannot be moved; He shall judge and rule the people righteously and with justice.

¹¹ Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice; let the sea roar, and all the things which fill it;

¹² Let the field be exultant, and all that is in it! Then shall all the trees of the wood sing for joy

¹³ Before the Lord, for He comes, for He comes to judge and govern the earth! He shall judge the world with righteousness and justice and the peoples with His faithfulness and truth.

Today is one of those marker moments in life. Feeling compelled to build an altar to the Lord, this blog post is written as a remembrance of God’s love, His goodness and His faithfulness to our family.

Our third born daughter, Malorie Jane Bullard released her debut album entitled “Close to You” at midnight on November 3, 2023! As a mother, I am proud of her accomplishments and grateful for the many gifts God has given. But there’s so much more to her song story than notes and lyrics.

In the summer of 2002, I suffered a traumatic miscarriage with my third pregnancy. When I began hemorrhaging at home, I knew something was dreadfully wrong. After checking in with my OB/GYN that confirmed no heartbeat, we were immediately sent to the hospital for an emergency D&C. The doctor warned me that the situation was complicated and to prepare for the worse-  I may not conceive any more children. When I woke from surgery, I was weeping uncontrollably. The nurse tried to comfort me, to no avail. I went home stunned, in shock, and deeply grieved for the large family I believe God had promised. At the same time, I was grateful for the two little girls I held in my arms during recovery.

That fall, I discovered I was pregnant again! The doctor confirmed, but warned again of the complications I had suffered and that statistically I was at greater risk of another miscarriage. In order to ensure a healthy pregnancy, weekly blood tests were required. At some point, I decided I was done being afraid. I told God I would trust Him, regardless of the outcome. At 18 weeks’ gestation, an ultra-sound confirmed the miraculous! Safe inside her mother’s womb, a sweet baby girl was growing in the shelter of His wings. On July 3, 2003 Malorie Jane Bullard made her silent debut into the world amidst all the noise; I was screaming and speaking in unknown languages having suffered horrendous back labor and unplanned natural childbirth! Holding our little bundle of joy there in the hospital, we were completely unaware of the challenges that lie ahead…

For the first four months of life, she screamed & cried uncontrollably, projectile vomiting after every feeding. We were unable to sooth or comfort her in any way. Even while nursing, she seemed distant and unable to bond with me. I also cried uncontrollably as we made multiple trips to doctors and hospitals for help. We tried every formula on the market, medication and expert recommendation. Again, at some point I decided I was done being afraid. If she had to continue to endure such pain with projectile vomiting, she would do so in her mother’s arms, drinking her mother’s milk. At four months old, we supplemented her feedings with rice cereal which helped weigh the contents of her stomach down long enough to digest more nutrients. She was eighteen months old before the raging reflux and vomiting ceased. By then, however, we were in the midst of another storm…

I had noticed Malorie wouldn’t make eye contact with me. Or anyone else. She seemed to live in her own little world. And when others interrupted that space, she became violent. She relied on me for her basic needs, but there was no connection. For the first four years of her life she remained silent. She did eventually learn to say “ma-ma” and “da-da,” and a few other unrecognizable words. Countless doctors and specialists ignored my cries for help. So, I began doing my own research. Information about Autism was just beginning to be published and so I pushed and pushed and pushed doctors until a first-year physician’s assistant FINALLY listened and referred us to UNC Hospitals for an evaluation. Upon completing a 25-page application separately, my husband and I joined hundreds of other families on a two-year waiting list.

In the meantime, God called us to withdraw our oldest two girls from public school to homeschool. Continuing Autism research in my spare time (ha ha!) I discovered many practical tools that helped Malorie thrive at home. When it was time for her to start Kindergarten, she joined our homeschool. Even though she was still non-verbal, she listened and learned alongside her sisters every day. Later that year, Malorie was diagnosed with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Seated around a large conference table with highly educated experts, they questioned her miraculous improvement. She had started talking, interacting with us, a few others, and showing a profound love of music. After noticing her stimming/flapping when music was on in the house, I intentionally began playing classical and children’s tapes for the girls during the day, in the car, and every night at bedtime. And when our second oldest began piano lessons a few years later, I decided to sign Malorie up too!

A songwriter since age 9, Malorie Jane Bullard is no longer silent.

She was made to sing a new song!

Isaiah 40:1-5

Amplified Bible

40 Comfort, comfort My people, says your God.

² Speak tenderly to the heart of Jerusalem, and cry to her that her time of service and her warfare are ended, that [her punishment is accepted and] her iniquity is pardoned, that she has received [punishment] from the Lord’s hand double for all her sins.

³ A voice of one who cries: Prepare in the wilderness the way of the Lord [clear away the obstacles]; make straight and smooth in the desert a highway for our God!

⁴ Every valley shall be lifted and filled up, and every mountain and hill shall be made low; and the crooked and uneven shall be made straight and level, and the rough places a plain.

⁵ And the glory (majesty and splendor) of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together; for the mouth of the Lord has spoken it.

Enriched

1 Corinthians 1:4-9

New Living Translation

⁴ I always thank my God for you and for the gracious gifts he has given you, now that you belong to Christ Jesus. ⁵ Through him, God has enriched your church in every way—with all of your eloquent words and all of your knowledge. ⁶ This confirms that what I told you about Christ is true. ⁷ Now you have every spiritual gift you need as you eagerly wait for the return of our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁸ He will keep you strong to the end so that you will be free from all blame on the day when our Lord Jesus Christ returns. ⁹ God will do this, for he is faithful to do what he says, and he has invited you into partnership with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

This morning at corporate prayer, as a young man read 1 Corinthians 1:4-9, my mind fixated on the word ENRICHED. As he continued speaking & praying into the passage, I was reminded of the marketing phrase etched on most bags of flour in our grocery stores. Advertisers ensure consumers that its contents are “enriched” with vital nutrients for our good.

It’s a lie.

As a stereotypical homeschool mom, I know how to make & bake bread. In previous seasons, we were members of a local co-op that purchased hundreds of pounds of wheat each quarter. After doing a bit of research and learning from older, wiser mommas, our family eventually invested in a grain grinder and bread maker. Having previously suffered from what I thought was a gluten intolerance, I was pleasantly surprised when my home-made loaves not only tasted better, they actually improved my digestion. The bread we were consuming was full of life giving vitamins and minerals!  

Once a grain of wheat is broken, the consumer has approximately 72 hours to grind, make, bake and eat before the loaf is void of all nutritional value. Otherwise, it rots.

The same was true of the Israelites as they wandered in the wilderness. But they only had 24 hours before maggots consumed their meal. Manna fell by God’s grace, from heaven every day and for 6 days God’s children had to go out and get it, eat it and digest it. They could only store what they gathered on the 6^th day for Sabbath. Otherwise, what they tried to contain for themselves would rot. It would, in essence return to them void.

Beloved, such is the case with all of God’s children. We cannot live without our daily bread. All that’s required is to get up and get it! Consuming other people’s loaves that sit on shelves year after year won’t sustain us. Our souls were made to eat the bread of life every day. When we wake up each morning, we must go to a secret place, shut the door, pray and ask the Holy Spirit to breathe on the pages of Scripture. Only then will we receive the nutrients our hearts yearn for: wisdom & revelation of Jesus Christ. If we do, He promises: we will never be hungry again…and His Word will NOT return void!!!

John 6:35

New Living Translation

³⁵ Jesus replied, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.